su daidai sanda ya gama wayar, idonsa yana kan kafafunta ne da har yanzu ta rasa me yake gani a jikinsu, kuma kafin ta gama tunanin hakan taji ya jawo ta zuwa kasa a hankali, ya durƙusar da ita a gabansa, dab dashi sosai wanda hakan yasa ta sunkuyar da idanunta ƙasa tana cije gefen lebbenta.
"Wata magana nake son muyi Please..."
Yadda muuryarsa a fito a hankali da kuma zurfi ya haddasa faduwa da saukar numfashinta.
"Zamu iya yi yanzu?"
Ya ƙara tambaya a lokacin da take kokarin tsayar da iska a kirjinta, da kyar ta daure ta daga kanta sau biyu babu kari. Shina ya gyada nasa kan a hankali yana cigaba da kallon fuskarta.
"Na sani a yadda komai ya fara a tsakaninmu akwai tarin irin tunanin da kike yi akaina, na san an gaya miki tarin abubuwan da ba lallai ne na iya ƙaryata miki su ba, kinji wanene ni ta bangare da yawa na sani Amina, kuma har nima na bada gudunmawa wajen saka miki wani tunanin akaina tun a wancan lokacin, wani abu da nayi shi ne ba don komai ba sai don in hana faruwar auren a tsakanin mu."
Yayi shiru ya cigaba da kallon fuskarta, kuma ganin yanayinta bai canja ba yasa shi cigaba.
"I'm a mess Amina, akwai tarin abubuwan dake gabana kuma a tsakiyarsu ne na tsinci zancen aurenmu wanda ni tun bayan lokacin dana rabu da Ruƙayya ban kara tunanin cewa zan sake aure ba, abubuwa sunyi min yawan da bana son nauyin komai ya sake ƙaruwa akaina, saboda haka wannan wasiƙar da na baki nayi ne don in tsorata ki ta hanyar da zai sa ki ƙi yarda sabida su Baffa baza su saurare ni ba a lokacin, abinda na manta a wannan lokacin shine ban isa in canja ƙaddarar da Allah ya hukunta ba tunda hakan babu abinda ya canja."
A wannan lokacin numfashin dake ƙirjin Amina ya kasa tsayawa waje guda, sai kokari take dashi kamar kifin da ya fito daga rywa yana wutsil-wutsil, hasken fitukub dakin ya karu a idanunta yayin da wata iska ta shiga busuwa daga maka-makan windunan dskin kasancewar a sama suke.
"Daga ranar da na fara ganinki Amina, nayi nadamar abinda nayi, na san cewa ban kyauta ba da har na saka wannan tsoron da na gani a cikin idanunki, wanda duk da hakan kuma bai hana ki kyautata min ba, bai hana ki nuna min kirkin ki da kuma halayenki na gari ba, kuma yanzu wannan kirkin naki nake kwaɗayin cigaba da samu Amina, ina son nutsuwar da nake samu a wajenki don itace babban abinda nake bukata wajen tafiyar da rayuwata a yanzu, shi yasa nake rokonki da ki manta duk wani hasashe da kike yi kaina Please, ki bani damar da zamu yi normal life kamar yadda kowa yake yi, wallahi nayi alkawarin ba zan taɓa cutar dake ba insha Allah."
"....Kamar yadda na faɗa miki mafitar ta riga tazo hannunki Amina, Kilishi ta bude miki kofar samun nasarar da ita kanta bata sani ba, so nake ki dauki dukkan maganganunta kiyi wa taki zuciyar ado dasu Amina, don takunta zaki bi, dukkan abinda ta fada kema shi zaki yi, banbancin da za'a samu tsakanin ke da ita shine, ke ita zaki yiwa Amina, ita zaki lulluɓe da rigar amincinki ba kowa ba, ita zaki zamewa farar wutar da ba zata taɓa sanin cewa ƙonata kike yi ba.
Kuma hanyar farko da hakan zata kasance shine idan kika sami soyayyar mijinki..."
Kalaman da Amma na ɗazu su suka biyo bayan dukkanin bayanin Ma'aruf a cikin kan Amina, ta tuna yadda take kallon Amman cike da ƙarin bayanin da bata furta ba Amman ta cigaba.
"Kilishi ta gaya miki cewa soyayyar mijinta ta fara samu a saman ta kowa, shi ya fara yarda da ita kafin ta buɗe zuciyar kowa ta fara aiwatar da manufarta, idan baki sani ba yau ki sani Amina cewar taƙamar kowacce mace a duniyar zuciyar mijinta ce, idan taci riba anan to wallahi duk girman wata matsala koda kuwa ta mahaifiyarsa ce ta tsallake ta.
Yaron nan ya riga ya zama mijinki a yanzu ko munso ko bamu so ba, don haka kije ki ƙara dagewa, ki dage wajen kyautata masa har zuciyarsa ta ƙara yarda dake akan yanzu, sannan da zarar kun koma kije wajen Kilishi ki tsugunna ki gaya mata cewar kin yarda da sharaɗinta bama sai lokacin da ta gindaya miki yayi ba, ki ƙasƙantar da kanki a gabanta ta sigar da ba zata taba iya haska cikin zuciyarki har tayi wani hasashe ba, waɗannan sune matakan farko Amina, kuma ina tabbatar miki idan kika tsallake su, dukkan sauran zasu zo ne bi da bi kuma a sauƙake..."
Waɗannan sune kalaman dake saka sa hannyenta rawa a ɗazu, sune kalaman Amman dake rikita lissafinta suna gaya mata cewar ba zata iya dorar da wani abu akan Ma'aruf ba tunda bata gama sanin tunaninsa akanta ba... Sai gashi tun ba'aje koina ba hanyar farko tazo mata da sauki.
Allah ya amsa addu'ar ta, Ma'aruf ya cire dukkan wani kokwanton dake zuciyarta da waɗannan iya kalaman nasa, a yanzu ta yarda cewa shi da gaske zuciyarsa wankakkiya ce akansa, abinda take ta taraddadi daga bangaren Hajiya Kilishi yake dama.
Taji yadda mamaki ke cinye zuciyarta tun daga ƙasa, ashe komai ba mai wuya bane kamar yadda Amman tace, kowacce mace tana da irin nata ikon a hannu, kawai burga da barazana ce ke saka wasu yin ƙasa su yarda cewa an fisu su baza su iya ba, gashi tun basu ko bar garin nan ba ta fara samun yardar Ma'aruf a hannunta, idan haka ne kuwa ta yarda da maganar Amma na cewar da gaske Kilishi ta kiyaye su, don ko ita a yanzu tana jin ƙarfin gwiwar cewa zata iya.
Kuma cikin wata irin sa'a, sai ya ƙyale ta bai nemi amsarta ba har suka kammala cin abincin da komai.
Wajen ƙarfe goma sha ɗaya saura Amina ta dunkunkune a karshe gadon ɗakin har a lokacin tana ta faman sake-sake a ranar, don ko ka kaɗan ba bacci take ji ba, abubuwan da ta fuskanta a yau suna da yawan da har yanzu basu gama narkewa a cikin ranta ba. Ta juya bayanta ne tana kallon ɗaya gefen ɗakin yayin da hannunta ke wasa da ƙarshen bakin mayafin nan data yafa a akanta.
A yanzu fitulun ɗakin duka a kashe suke, Ma'aruf ya kashe su kafin ya shiga toilet don ta riga shi kwanciya, sai da ya gama aikinsa tana kwance tana sake-sakenta sannan ya tashi ya kashe fitulun duka ya shiga toilet din.
A yanzu babu wani haske sai na waje da yake shigowa cikin ɗakin, kuma wucewar minti biyar kawai sai kofar toilet din ta buɗe, hasken fitilar ciki ya ratsa duhun ɗakin kuma duk da ta juya bayanta sai da hasken ya shiga idonta kafin taji ya rufe ƙofar duhun na sake dawowa.
Taji gadon ya motsa yana shaida mata hawowarsa zuwa daya gefen da sanda yaje jan sauran bargon da ta rufe ƙafafunta dashi zuwa nasa jikin.
Sakan ɗaya, biyu, suka wuce tana cigaba da wasa da mayafinta kafin taji muryarsa, can ƙasa a hankali kamar duhun daren.
"Amina..."
Ya kira sunanta kamar wannan ne karo na farko daya fara faɗa, yadda tunaninta ya tsaya cak haka ma daren ya tsaya, kamar shima yana jiran amsar da zata bayar ne.
Tayi kokarin haɗiye wata busashshiyar iska a makogwaronta sannan tayi dauriyar amsawa a hankali.
"Can I hold you.. ?" (Zan iya riƙe ki?)
Bata san me take tunanin a wannan lokacin ba, bata san ma me taje yi va ko kuma abinda yake faruwa a cikin kanta, ta san dai kawai zuciyarta ta ƙirga wucewar wasu sakanni ne data san cewa jiranta yake yi kafin duk wata dauriyarta ta rinjaye ta wajen ɗaga kanta a hankali.
Kuma bata san ya akayi yaji ta ba, don a lokaci guda yasa hannunsa daya ya janyo ta zuwa jikinsa, ya juyo ta tana fuskantar sa yayin da hannunsa ɗaya ya zagaye waist ɗinta, sannan ɗan kaɗan ya ratsa ƙafafunsa a tsakanin nata.
Ya hade ta da jikinsa har tana jin kara bugawar zuciyarsa kamar kaɗawar igiyar ruwa a bakin teku wanda sautinsa ya haɗe da amon tata zuciyar, ya zama idanunta basa ganin duhun daren sai wanda ke tsakaninsu kawai, numfashinsu ya hade waje guda yayin da ƙamshin turare da kuma sabuntar kayansu ya cika hancinta.
Kuma bai isa Ma'aruf ya gama rikita zuciyarta ba sai da ya sunkuyo da fuskarsa daidai cikin wuyanta ba shiri kuwa jikinta ya shiga girgizawa gabaɗaya a cikin nasa, kuma ga mamakinta sai taji yayi wani abu kamar murmushi sannan a cikin kunnenta ya furta maganar data rikito da duniyarta bakiɗaya ta rugurguje.
"Kar ki damu, not now, not here." (Ba yanzu ba, ba anan ba.)
Shikenan! Ma'aruf ya gama da rayuwarta!
***
Kano.
09:30Am
No. 58 Mafara Street, NNDC Sharaɗa Quaters.
"Wai har kun dawo?"
Surayya ta faɗa a lokacin da ta fito dafa daki tana kallon Amina daje zaune a tsakiyar falon nasu tare da Sameerah wadda ta cika gabanta da kayan breakfast.
"Tun wajen ƙarfe takwas fa suka dawo. Yayan har ya tafi aiki ma." Sameerah ta bata amsa lokacin da take hada nata tea din.
"Auren ma'aikacin kamfani na da wuya ko?"
Surayyan ta fada tana kallon Amina lokacin da tazo ta zauna a kusa da ita tana ɗaukan pillow ɗin kujerar zuwa cinyarta.
Da murmushi a fuskar Amina tace.
"Gashi nan dai, ni ban saba ba har yanzu."
"Gaya min zaki yi idan da wuya tun wuri in kori Tahir."
Kafin ta amsa Sameerah tace.
"Ki kore shi ma, don Wallahi Baffa yace ba wanda zai sake yiwa aure a gidan nan sai man da shekara biyar. Su Salma sun karya tattalin arzikinsa."
Dariya kawai Amina tayi tana kallonsu lokacin da musun da suka saba a kullum ya kaure tsakaninsu, don ma wai Munaya na can ɓangarensu ne.
Sai dai duk yadda dariyar tata ta kai akan lebbenta kawai take, don daga can kasan zuciyarta taraddadi ne fal da kuma tunanin abinda ke shirin faruwa.
Don kamar yadda Samirah ta fadawa Surayya ne, tun wajen karfe takwas da ƴan mintuna na safe suka iso garin Kano, don Ma'aruf ya gaya mata cewar yana da tarin aikin dake jiransa a office, kuma ya sauke ta a gida ne ya tafi bayan ya rungume ta yayi kissing saman kanta lokacin da suka shigo ciki ya buɗe mata gidan da muƙullin dake jikin na motarsa, sannan ya juya ya barta tana kokarin hada zuciyarta waje guda ya koma wajen motar tasa da ya bari a waje.
Kuma shigarta gidan ya sake tsayar da zuciyarta waje guda, yana tuna mata da kalaman Amma.
"...da zarar kun koma kije wajen Kilishi ki tsugunna ki gaya mata cewar kin yarda da sharaɗinta bama sai lokacin da ta gindaya miki yayi ba, ki ƙasƙantar da kanki a gabanta ta sigar da ba zata taba iya haska cikin zuciyarki har tayi wani hasashe ba, waɗannan sune matakan farko Amina, kuma ina tabbatar miki idan kika tsallake su, dukkan sauran zasu zo ne bi da bi kuma a sauƙake..."
Zuciyarta ta gaya mata cewa wannan lokacin shine zaiyi daidai da zuwanta wajen Hajiya Kilishin, don a yanzu ne zata yarda cewa da gaske zuciyarta ta wanku wajen yarda da ita. Shi yasa ta tattaro dukkan dauriyarta ta taho cikin gidan inda Sameerah ta shaida mata cewa Mamin tana wanka.
"Kin gama? Mamin tace tana jiranki a ciki."
Muryar Sameerah ta dawo da ita zahiri, ta ɗago tana kallonta daga can jikin hanyar koridon dakin Mamin, ta san lokacin da Surayya ta tashi ta shiga ciki amma ita bata san lokacin da ita ta tashi ba, taji zuciyarta ta buga a cikin ƙirjinta amma kuma sai fuskar Amma ta gifta a idanunta ta kore hakan, ta gyara yafen mayafinta sannan ta mike a hankali tana zagaye table din da Sameerah ta cika da kayan breakfast din, kafafunta suka taja cikin korido din lokacin da Sameerah ke gaya mata cewa ta tafi ta shiga wanka, kanta kawai ta gyada mata kafin ta rike handle din kofar dakin.
Da dukkan addu'o'in da zata iya karantowa a zuciyarta ta tura kofar dakin, kuma kamshin turaren wutar da taji tunda ta shigo dakin shi ya fara shiga hancinta, ta hango shi kuwa yana ci daga can kan bedside drawer dakin daga cikin wata haɗaddiyar burner irin wadda Sameerah ta taba kai mata.
Sai taji ta shaki wata busashshiyar iska a makogwaronta lokacin da ta hango Mamin, tayi wankan kamar yadda aka fada ta shirya cikin wata doguwar rigar atamfa da aka baza mata stones tana ta kyalli, kamar ƙyallin dake son nunawa duniya cewa ita kadai ce Kilishi irinta.
Ƙafafunta suka karaso ciki da sallama, sallamar da Mamin ta amsa da murmushi a fuskarta, murmushin nan nata mai nauyin da sai a yanzu Amina ke jinsa a saman kafadunta.
"Ashe ƴan jigawan har sun dawo, yaya kuka tarar dashi Amina?"
Takaicin da ya taho ya taru a kirjinta wani abu ne da ba zata iya misalta shi ba, amma haka ta daurewa masa ta amsa.
"Jikinsa da sauki Mami."
Kuma sai da ta jira ta nemi bakin gadonta ta zauna sannan kai tsaye muryarta ta sake fitowa.
"Mami na yarda da dukkan zancenki, na yarda zanyi dukkan abinda zaki sani ba tare da wani ya san komai ba, dan Allah kar ki sa a sake taɓa kowa a cikin ƴanuwana, raunin dake jikin Aminu yayi yawa, dukkan kafafunsa biyu sun karye... Zanyi dukkan abinda kika ce da yanzu Mami don ni kaina ina son rayuwata ta inganta, na miƙo miki hannayena kamar yadda kika umarta don ba zan taɓa yin katoɓarar yin ganganci da rayuwar iyayena da ƴanuwana ba, darajarsu tafi komai a wajena."
Muryarta tayi shiru na wani lokaci sannan ta sake ratsa shirun ɗakin amonta na rawa.
"Na rantse da ubangijin daya halicce ni Mami, zan yi miki biyayya kamar yadda kika umarta, baza ki taɓa dana sanin bayyana miki sirrina ba insha Allah."
A cikin ɗakin wani irin shiru ya sake giftawa, irin shirun nan mai tsantsar zurfi, zurfin da a cikinsa zukata ke saƙa abubuwa da yawa, kamar yadda zuciyar Kilishi ke saka mata dubunnan abubuwa a wannan lokacin yayin kallon Amina take da dukkan irin nazarin da ƙwaƙwalwarta ke iyawa, tana jin yadda a bayan kanta wasu kofofi ke buɗewa kuma tunaninta na nutsewa cikinsu na son gano wani abu daban saɓanin abinda bakinta ke furtawa.
Sai dai duk iya kokarinta, ta kasa gano abinda yake saman fuskar Aminan, a wannan lokacin, don tsoro da kuma rudanin da take gani karara suna fitowa tare da kalamanta, kuma takaicin yadda ubangiji ya biye sirrin kowacce zuciya ya kamata, don baza ta taɓa yarda kai tsaye cewa yarinyar nan ta karbi tayin ta kai tsaye haka ba, amma da yake ita Kilishi ce, sai tayi gyaran murya a hankali sannan ta faɗaɗa murmushin dake kan fuskarta, a kusa zata gane komai ba sai anje da nisa ba ta yiwa kanta wannan alƙawarin.
"Shi yasa na barku kuyi tafiyar nan dama Amina, don so nake kije ki ga ɗanuwanki ki san cewa babu wasa a al'amarina kamar yadda na jaddada miki komai, kuma Alhamdlilah naji dadi sosai da idonki ya buɗe kika fahimci gaskiya tun a yanzu, tun kafin mu shigo da wasu cikin lissafin."
Muryarta ta fito ne da wani irin sanyi kamar ƙanƙarar dake narkewa a cikin ruwa, Kuma da faɗin hakan bata jira komai ba sai ta taso, ta wuce ta ta nufi wardrobe ɗin dake dakin. Wajen da ta bude na farko ya nuna mata ajiyar da tayi na wata bakar jaka, ta dauko ta sannan ta sake buɗe wani wajen inda jakunkunan ta suke a jere, kuma a cikin aljihun guda ɗaya ta ɗauko Sachet mai yawa na wani magani sannan ta rufe komai ta juyo, da takunta a hankali ta sake dawowa wajen da Aminan ke zaune akan carpet, inda daga gabanta akwai wani stool da aka bari a wajen, ta ajiye wannan jakar da kuma magungunan a gaban Amina sannan ta nemi kan stool din ta zauna kafin muryarta ta sake ratsa dakin.
"Komai mai sauƙi ne Amina, umarni na kawai zaki dinga bi shikenan sai duniyarki ta koma kamar aljanna, don zan cika miki dukkan wadannan alkawuran dana dsukar miki har ma da karin wasu da bamu lissafa ba, Kin fahimce ni ko?"
Kuma kamar yadda ta zata, sai ta ɗago ta kalle ta idanunta na shaida sauran tsoron da a lokacin dama ya kamata ace yana barin fuskar tata, ta gyaɗa kanta sau biyu sannan ta sake maida shi kasa, kuma abinda Hajiya Kilishi ta gani a idanun nata ya shiga barazanar goge kokwanton da take yi akanta, amna tayi wulli dashi a lokaci guda.
"Yayi kyau, yanzu ki saurareni sosai kiji abinda nake so dake."
Amina ta sake gyaɗa kanta tana ƙara gyara zamanta lokacin da Muryar Hajiya Kilishin ta cigaba da shiga kunnenta.
"Akwai abinda zanyi a kamfanin su Ma'aruf cikin satin nan, kuma zan yi shi ne ba tare da yana nan ba, don haka yanzu za ki taya ni abinda ya kamata ace ni zanyi don dama lokaci yayi da hakan zai koma hannunki.
Abinda ke cikin jakar nan magunguna ne, na san an gaya miki cewa Ma'aruf yana da wata rashin lafiya ta ƙwaƙwalwa, sunanta 'Bipolar Disorder' ya same ta ne a shekarun baya lokacin da rayuwarsa ta canja bayan rasuwar ɗanuwansa, cuta ce dake canja tunaninsa a duk lokacin da ta tashi, abubuwa suna cakuɗewa a cikin kansa har baya sanin abinda yake yi.
A London ake yi masa magani tun daga wancan lokacin kuma suna ɗora shi akan ingantattun magunguna tun daga sannan, amma da farko Ma'aruf bai karbi ciwonsa hannu biyu ba balle har ya dinga kula da kansa, baya taba shan magungunan sa akan kari wanda hakan ke ƙara bawa ciwonsa bigiren yaɗuwa, tun kafin yayi aure nake yi miki wannan zancen Amina kuma tun a sannan na karɓi magungunansa na ajiye a wajena.
Ma'aruf kamar ɗan dana haifa na dauke shi, kin sani tun a wancan labarin dana baki, don haka a baya na tsaya da ƙafata sosai wajen takura masa a duk lokacin da ya kamata yasha maganin, kafin daga bisani na fahimci cewa hanyar nasarata tana tattare da ikon da nake dashi ne akan magungunan sa. Ina son Ma'aruf Amina, amma son da nake yiwa cikar burina